Jan Fowler will emcee a senior dating conference for 300 people June 6 at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center in CA.  Both widowed and divorced, she is a frequent speaker on senior dating and loves to share the story of how she herself met “just the right man” in a ballroom dancing class at a local senior center.  Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others”, to be nationally aired soon.  You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic:  “Loving Relationships Yield Infinite Rewards”

One of our greatest needs as human beings is to feel spiritually, physically,  and emotionally connected to others.  From cradle to coffin, it’s a known fact that people of all ages thrive far better when touched, talked to, cared about, and loved.  In fact, the overall quality of life is greatly enhanced and improved by that special connection.

Yes, loving relationships yield infinite rewards, including many overlooked keys to happiness.  While healthy people are usually socially bonded and enjoy a better sense of well-being, socially isolated and lonely people often experience a sense of emptiness and declining health.  Haven’t we all read of studies which show that married people live longer?

Oh, there is so much power in love!

Since I am both widowed and divorced, I recall the initial scars of loss and grief, plus the dreaded fear of starting over again.  And yet I longed for another rewarding relationship “with just the right person” to share my life with, to go places with, and to talk to.  I recall how uneasy I felt at first and how I kept putting it off–it seemed so much easier to choose emotional isolation over the fear of getting hurt.

But “No!” a voice screamed in my brain.  “No, no, no!  You must take a chance and put yourself out there!”

And so one day, I met David in a ballroom dance class—a waltz and rumba lesson, I vividly recall—on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local senior center.  We quickly became dance partners, then dating partners.  That was four years ago, and the rest is history…I’m happy to say that he and I have been together ever since.

Many of my senior contemporaries are meeting quality men and women every day on Internet dating sites and are learning to laugh and live again.  They report a better sense of belonging from having developed new close personal relationships.  I feel that we seniors need to bombard ourselves with lots of encouraging “self-talk” by substituting “I’m too old to try something new” with “It’s never too late to discover someone new and wonderful!”

We all need purpose, friendship, supportive people, and loving relationships.  By the way, volunteering is always a wonderful first step in making some new social connections–I urge you to give it a try.

Someone once said, “Don’t ask if it’s hard, ask if it’s worth it.”  And, yes, it’s worth it!  So please keep at it and never give up.  I sure am glad I put myself out there and attended that ballroom dance class…just think…it was just another ordinary Monday afternoon…

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  “A New Year, a New Beginning!”

A new year.  A new beginning.  How lucky we are!  The new year always opens the door to a fresh start, renewed hope, and provides us the chance to set new goals or remind ourselves of the endless possibilities that still lie ahead for our lives.

Time to drop the fear of failure and not be afraid to move forward.  But a fresh start does require putting the past behind us.  So let’s close that door firmly on the old year.  Look forward, not backward.  To stay in balance, we must forget about the setbacks and failures of yesterday and instead boast a positive shining winning attitude, full of positive expectancy.   Because we should never never never give up on the hope of finding love and romance again! It happens all the time.

After all, Marilyn met Larry while checking her mail in the lobby of the apartment building where he lived on the seventh floor and she on the fourth.  Amanda met Will at a forty-fifth high school reunion, and I met David in a waltz and rumba ballroom dance class on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local Senior Center.

Could it be that all of us were open to the possibility of meeting someone new?  You know what I mean.  That we hung our “availability” shingle rather than our “no vacancy” sign on our foreheads?  Being open is an outlook and attitude which may need to be cultivated and practiced, you know.  It’s a way of connecting with another person, perhaps first with a casual smile and confident eye contact, then followed by light-hearted remarks, including good-natured humor if possible.

You might start by introducing yourself–first name only—and asking a simple question, e.g., “How do you happen to know…(here, you mention the host’s name if you met at a party)?” or “How long have you been coming to…(name the class you’re attending)?” or “How are you liking (again, name the activity you’re both participating in) so far?”  I remember asking David which dance—waltz or rumba–he liked the best.  It really doesn’t take much to make small talk, but you may want to hone your skills by practicing on total strangers in everyday places such as while waiting in a long line at the movies.

Even though school and work are among the most common meeting places, the Internet is buzzing with potential partners just waiting to fall in love with you.  Admittedly, it takes some effort to create an upbeat profile, post a recent photo, and weed out the “unsuitables”, but I nevertheless urge you to give it a try!  New dating sites are opening up all the time, so use bravado and switch to a new one if that’s what it takes to lift your spirits.  After all, Jerry and Donna, my dear friends who met online and discovered they only lived ten minutes apart from each other, are still as happy as can be after five years of marriage.

It’s a brand new year, folks, so please stay open to meeting your true love and never give up!

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic: “What Ever Happened To My High School Sweetheart?”

By now, we’ve come to recognize the importance of remaining open to meeting new love everywhere we go.  Which means always looking our best, smiling at members of the opposite sex, making eye contact with strangers, and cheerfully replying to anyone who greets us.  Even taking advantage of the opportunity to strike up small talk or light conversation while waiting in line at the bank, check-out counter, or post office may send the signal that we just might be available to continue the conversation at another time, possibly over coffee.  And although many seniors have succeeded in finding romance and friendship via online dating services, I wonder how many have ever made the effort to reconnect with a hard-to-forget high school or college sweetheart.

In my new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, I devoted one entire chapter to senior love and romance and would now like to share one inspiring love story in hopes that it may give you new ideas about a fresh approach to seeking a loving mate.  This touching story excerpt is found in the chapter titled “Falling in Love Again”.  Do hope you enjoy…

Five Small Diamonds

by Myrna Lou Goldbaum

I remember the time I was working at a Colorado fair when an older gentleman approached me to ask if he could please have his palm read.  My poster, which read “SOUL MATE SPECIALIST,” had apparently caught his eye.  When we first began the reading, I could see that his first love had been twenty years old, but that it had never led to marriage.  He had offered, but she’d turned him down because he was about to leave for the service.  She feared he might not return home and refused to promise to wait.

His immediate response and reaction to my reading was an overwhelming “Yes!”  He quickly added, “Flying in a plane over Guadalcanal, I even carried her picture in my watch fob on a chain all through the war.  But when I returned home she had already married someone else.”

I continued my reading. “You were married at age twenty-seven and your marriage lasted fifty years, but you’ve been a widower now for about a year.”

Nodding, he asked, “And are you able to see the experience that I just had?”

Oh, yes.  I could see that his old flame had reappeared in his life once more, and also that something very wonderful was about to happen.  It was then that he began to relate his inspiring story.

As a Peoria, Illinois, native, he was an alumnus of Peoria High School and his alumni newsletter carried the announcement of his wife’s death.  His old girlfriend—the love of his youth who, by now, had lost her own mate four years earlier—read his name in the newsletter, then spent four months trying her best to track him down.  First, she called their high school, then the Chamber of Commerce, his relatives, as well as old Illinois friends.  At last, she was able to locate the brother of his best friend who explained that this gentleman was living in Colorado Springs.  She called Information and finally got his telephone number.

“I see that you have been in contact,” I said, adding, “and I see travel, plus a move in the near future.”

“Yes, she lives in Texas!” he excitedly explained.  “When she called me, I almost fell down.  She said she was lonely and invited me to her home, so I immediately went to see her the very next day!  We spent one wonderful week together and quickly rekindled our love.

“While we were out shopping at the mall one day, I managed to slip into a jewelry store while she was next door in a dress shop.  I asked to see engagement rings, so the storeowner pulled out two trays of assorted rings to show me.  Some were beautiful solitaires, while others were set with smaller diamonds.

“As soon as she came out of the dress shop, I called her into the jewelry store and proposed right there on the spot.  Well, she cried, I cried, the store owner cried, and all the sales clerks cried too.  We were so happy that they even snapped a picture of us to use in their ads.  When I told her she could choose any ring at all, she pushed the solitaire ring tray aside. ‘This one,’ she said, and pointed and smiled. “I’d like a simple ring with five small diamonds set in platinum.’

“It was not one of the more expensive rings on display so I was perplexed, and had to ask what made her decide to select that particular ring.  ‘It has five diamonds,’ she replied with a smile, ‘which will always represent the five decades when we missed being together.’

“So now I’m moving to Texas! I plan to take care of her for the rest of our days,” he said, beaming with excitement.

Myrna Lou Goldbaum is a master palmist years with sixty years’ experience reading forty-seven thousand palms. She is a teacher, coach, entertainer, TV producer-host of “Soul Mate Connections,” and author of May I See Your Hand?, Soul Mate Connections, and Diary of a Palm Reader.  (303) 651-6273.  www.myrnaloupalmistry.com or  hmg@privatei.com

“Finding Love & Romance at Any Age!” November 2011

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  “One Easy Way Of Inviting A Man Or Woman You’ve Just Met To Give You A Call”

Have you ever considered having some inexpensive business cards printed with your first name only, phone number, and possibly a cute logo of your favorite or special hobby?  Then doing what one nice-looking man did after talking while walking alongside me for a full three blocks from the outlying parking lot to the hospital lobby, where I was headed to visit a patient?

Just before nodding goodbye, he unexpectedly, but pleasantly, charmed and disarmed me by handing me such a card, saying “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

He made his point.  And I was flattered.

We can often tell if someone we like also likes us. Think about it–it really doesn’t take long for sparks of chemistry to fly.

Just think of how many times we may have met a man or woman we’re attracted to at a senior dance, a country western dance, a ballroom dance class, a community event where we’re volunteering, or even while standing in a long line at the post office.  In fact, there are countless places where we might fall into casual conversation, including the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

I’ve often struck up a conversation with a handsome man while attending a free museum event, gallery opening, or community reception where punch and hors d’oeuvres set the stage for easy mingling.   In retrospect, I sure wish I had known how to “invite” a man I just met and liked to call me!  Just the other day, my girlfriend phoned me to bemoan the fact that she had just spent five hours sitting next to a dreamy guy on an airline flight with whom she enjoyed great conversation.  Now she’s kicking herself for not having such a card handy in her pocket or purse to give him afterwards!

A card is a simple technique, it’s tasteful, socially acceptable, and classy.  Maybe you’ll hear from the person, maybe not, but in no way have you lost face.  And because you’ve flattered the person you’ve handed your card to, they’re bound to say thank you.  Remember, you have to keep putting yourself out there and not wait for the world to come to you!  What are you waiting for?  Do you have a better idea?

And in case you’re wondering if I ever followed through with the “invitation” to call the attractive man at the hospital… The only reason I didn’t is because I was already involved in a serious committed relationship.  Had I not been, however, I most definitely would have contacted him.  You bet!  He was respectful, likeable, good-looking, and there’s no denying that we both felt chemistry.

So you just might want to remember these two magic sentences, “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

Jan Fowler is a television producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and takes great pleasure in discussing the serious relationship she now enjoys with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a local senior citizens’ center.  Look for her book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories—including a chapter devoted to real-life stories about senior love and romance—due out soon (Balboa Press, a Division of Hay House).  www.janfowler.com or jan@janfowler.com

This month’s topic: “Senior Dating Etiquette”

All right, so you’ve decided the time has come to seek love, romance, and companionship for yourself.  Good for you!  But please don’t be upset or shocked if you discover that your family or friends aren’t as supportive of your decision to date as you had expected.  They may feel jealous, threatened, or are still grieving the loss of your former mate.  Please don’t argue with them.  Be respectful of their feelings and opinions–just don’t compromise your own decisions.

And whether we’re widowed or divorced, bear in min

d that part of dating involves our willingness to make a fresh start.  At first, it’s easy to be deluded into believing we might find an exact replacement—a mirror image—of our former mate (in the event that there was one), who holds the same set of values, ethics, and code of behaviors which we had become so accustomed to.  Nope. We must accept new people for who they are.

It’s also important to remain open to meeting a “match” just by going through the course of our routine activities.  Just because we’ve signed up on a dating site or matchmaking service doesn’t mean we need limit our thinking.  After all, Bob met Martha while waiting for their luggage at the Southwest baggage claim.  Fifteen minutes of casual conversation was all they needed to spark some chemistry!  That was nearly ten years ago and today they’re happily celebrating their ninth anniversary.  But even more astonishing is how fate brought Jim and Marianne together.  Can you imagine—the two met on a flat tire!  All he did was stop to help her out on the shoulder of a busy highway, then follow her to safety.

Hmm…could that mean we should take pride in our appearance everywhere we go?  Which, in turn, raises such questions as… And might it be time for a trim or a haircut?  A more stylish wardrobe?  A newer more updated look?  Or a trip to the fitness center to firm and tone unwanted bulges?  Think about it.  But in the meantime, here are some important rules of senior dating etiquette for us to consider:

~ Ladies, regardless of how you met the gentleman, always allow him to call you for the first

date.

~ If you’re meeting face-to-face for the very first time, for goodness sakes, be considerate.

Don’t be late!  Avoid raising your date’s anxiety level with the sinking feeling that you

might be a “no-show”.  Being prompt speaks well for your character.

~ Choose a public place, such as a coffee house, restaurant, or library in which to meet.

(Lunch or coffee are more casual and less intimate than dinner.)  Offer to pay for your

own food or beverage.  And you might casually mention that you have another

commitment afterwards so you have a polite excuse to leave.

~ Avoid rude behavior such as getting drunk, flirting with others, texting or talking on your

cell phone.

~ Speak with confidence and not about the fact that you’re a nervous wreck inside!  Smile!  Be

upbeat and pleasant, even if you’re disappointed in your date.

~ Never talk on and on about your former mate, regardless of how wonderful you say they

were (or how awful).  State the facts about your past, but be clear that you’re now ready to

open a new chapter in your life.

~ Men, it’s always gentlemanly to call to thank the lady afterwards.  Ladies, following the first

date, please allow the man to take the initiative.  But if you liked him, it’s perfectly okay to

send him a text or email saying that you enjoyed yourself.

~ Use common sense, folks.  Never reveal personal information, such as the dollar amount

of your pension.  Even if you think you’re with the most trusted person in the world, never

mix love and money!

Next issue, we’ll discuss one easy way to invite a man or woman whom you’d like to hear from to give you a call.